That's my dog!
(A friend of mine claims to have written this, but I'm not sure that it matters who wrote it.)
He sits and begs, he lifts a paw,
He is, as you can see.
The finest dog you ever saw
And he belongs to me.
He follows every where I go
And even when I swim.
I laugh because, he thinks,
You know, that I belong to him.
But still, no matter what we do,
We never have a fuss.
And so, I guess, it must be true
That we belong to us.
If only he had some jumper cables!
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jew at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need Water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back.
"Your (bad word) brother won't let me in without a tie."
RE: Warning: this pun may shock you.
There used to be a club in Oakland Ca. that cut of your tie if you wore one and taked it up on the ceiling. Iwas there 20 years ago and they had several hundred then.
Same thing as long ago as 40+ years at a place called Pinnacle Peak north of Scottsdale, Arizona. Great steak & beans cooked outdoors on huge grills with mesquite wood. Mmmmm GOOD.
Dog Logic
Dog Logic
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney
Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate.
-Anonymous
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret
Which "Barbie" doll to buy?
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers
that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the
sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have:
>> Work Out Barbie for $19.95,
>> Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
>> Astronaut Barbie for $19.95,
>> Skater Barbie for $19.95, and
>> Divorced Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
the others only $19.95?"
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir...,
Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Harley, Ken's
Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends."
:B:B
Warning: this pun may shock you.
A man went to a nightclub with a few friends. The bouncer refused to let the man in because he wasn’t dressed appropriately. The dress code called for a tie. None of his friends had a spare tie. After thinking for a moment, one of his friends said, “I know! I have a set of jumper cables you could use as a tie. Just tie two ends and tuck the other ends in your shirt.” The man put them on, and headed back to the club. The bouncer was suspicious. But he agreed to let the man in as long as he didn’t start anything.
(posted here courtesy of the Kim Komando newsletter - I certainly wouldn't take credit for it myself)
RE: Most beautiful body of 2007
Interesting choice. And NOT what you are expecting.....
Most Beautiful Body of 2007
Joe
Even if it is a car - I wonder what the judges were smoking.:h:@
RE: Eye Floaters
I had floaters and flashers. The eye doc was right, they went away, came back for awhile, and went away again.
I'm sure that the "flashers" are what my Dr. said were optical migraine. Well, I had them for four to five years and sometimes they lasted up to 30 minutes. In early 2005 I had a mild stroke, couldn't talk, write my name or walk straight. Once all these problems were dealt with and I was back to 90% of normal I realized I didn't have the optical migraine problem anymore. So, as far as I'm concerned anyone who has them should be concerned because I think they are a precursor to a stroke.
RE: Eye Floaters
I have had them for several years - small dots, one fairly good sized black one and one large one that looks like a square of lace. Each new one caused me to be aware of all of them for quite some time, but I learned to look past them at least 90% of the time. My eye doctor says the same thing as yours. (of course I am probably considerably older than you and other respondents to this thread)
Wrong answer
At a cocktail party, the curvaceous blonde was the center of attention.
Standing in the middle of the room, she was surrounded by almost every man there.
Finally, one woman turned to her husband and said, "I just don't see what they see in her."
"I don't either," replied her husband as he started across the room. "I'll take a closer look!"
RE: A.A.A.D.D. Diagnosis
So I am not the only one. I take pills for this. Sometimes they help. They help more when I remember to take them. Yeah, and once you remember to take them you've got to remember where you put them.
RE: Positive proof of Global Warming
I thought he* was going to say they passed a law making it illegal to grow LIMA BEANS.:B
*Ooops - SHE - didn't realize this member was female, sorry Nascarcruzin.
Did you hear the one about the geneticist?
A geneticist wanted to be the first person to clone a human. He couldn’t find a volunteer, so he cloned himself. His efforts were successful, and he was asked to address a science conference on the subject and his accompishment. When he began to speak, his clone started swearing. Frustrated, the scientist pushed the clone out a window. The clone fell to his death. The police arrested the scientist....... He was charged with making an obscene clone fall.
(from the last Kim Komando newsletter)
RE: Global Warming (again), food for thought!
lwmuddy wrote:
Since I am in tune with animals and feel that they have better sense of what is coming and after talking at length with some local Beavers and Gophers, "their feeling is that this winter will be one of the worst on record for the Mid West and the North East."
Well now, you see, this is where the GW crowd has you covered. They haven't said that "Global" means evenly distributed. I have it on good authority from my friends the rattlesnakes, scorpions, pack rats and desert mice that in the Southwest this will be the hottest winter on record - so see, there's no way out.
RE: Global Warming (again), food for thought!
Well, I saw a segment on the Today show talking about how the frozen tundra in Siberia is thawing and archeologists are having a field day finding all kinds of Wooly Mammoth bones, bones from some kind of ancient tiger and other animals. Now, it seems to me that at some point in time Siberia had to be warm enough to support this kind of flora and fauna before the big freeze. Could it be that this was a natural cycle where there was global warming that created conditions for the existence
of all these life forms or was it some dumb cavemen (sorry ladies, cavepersons) that messed everything up by burning something in their caves that created green houses gases that in turn started another cycle of global warming. Boy, I'm confused. (Of course, then there is the problem of what caused the next ice age that froze Siberia solid.)
RE: Global Warming (again), food for thought!
Well I don't think there is much doubt about the facts that point to the old planet warming up, but I REALLY question the science that offers opinions as to why. Too many of those are politically motivated. Too many of their computer models are created with bad or unsubstantiated data. It's the old "garbage in...garbage out" syndrome. It was only 30 years ago that they thought we were going back into another ice age.
Remember these predictions are being made by the same folks that cannot accurately predict a hurricane in three weeks let alone the climate change 100 years out.
Don't forget that the "mini" ice age only receded 160 years ago. During that, the poor Vikings were frozen out of Greenland and most of Europe was in a deep freeze. Everybody was living indoors, including the rats and fleas that led to the plague.
Too many folks think we live in a linear environment, when we really live in an ever changing dynamic that we have not learned how to predict.
When we see a statement like "the scientist have reached a consensus"
You are looking at a political statement not fact. When you see research that cannot be duplicated by other professionals or not allowed to be published in the journals for peer review, chances are you are dealing with politics not science.
Just my .02
Right on brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(we will probably be deleted now, but who cares!)
